Getting through . . .

Been going through a lot lately. Been hiding it too and how much it really does bother me. I miss my friends, part of me wishes that they were all up here and that I could just hang out with them. It has honestly been really hard to go out and make friends up here with a job that it autonomous. But I've always had those few close friends that no matter where we are, we are close. Thank god that all I have to do is pick up the phone and talk to them. I am definitely going to do that this week.

My personal life besides distance between friends is going great. I have no qualms there besides distance and not having my own space, that will happen as soon as I get a new job, until then, I can't afford it. That is something that I am really frustrated with, my job search. I haven't gotten a single call back on any of my resumes and most of the job postings ask you not to call. I just want to move and get out of here. So I guess I just have to be patient as much as it kills me.

On another note, things haven't been all that hot with my Dad's health. He was coughing up blood earlier this week and the doctor told him it wasn't really anything to be worried about. Dad told me he was scared. My dad has never admitted that to me and it wasn't the greatest thing to find out. It isn't like my dad to admit something like that, nor is it something I can ever really remember hearing from him. He's been having some real problems breathing lately. Just coming in from the car winds him and it is getting to me regardless of whether I admit it or not. I don't necessarily want to admit it, but I am because I have to be honest with myself.

I am pretty sure this is the last Christmas, even though I don't want to think that way, I am trying to be rational about it. I want to make it a good one but I just don't know how. I don't know how to say good-bye.

I have to stop writing now.