Moving...

I do wonder why we doubt things at times. You know that feeling where you doubt everything in your life and think the worst? Well maybe you don’t. Coupled with the natural cycle of the month and emotions that I am dealing with regarding my father’s death, I have become my own worst enemy. I get lost in myself at times and can’t see past it. I hate it but it’s the way that it has been lately. I think it is because I haven’t really thought about the way that things are going rather than here and now. I need to get control of myself! I’m working on it.

As for everything else; I have been working out at least 3 times a week. I’m toning but I haven’t lost any weight which is a bummer. I have to eat better again. Not that I’m eating a lot of junk (well this weekend I did have some killer cravings…but that’s another story) but I’m not balancing it out correctly. That will change come this weekend though. Not too worried about it but it will come in time. Though I do have to say that I started out with resistance bands yesterday and they kicked my tail. (Don’t judge me! They aren’t as girly-man as I thought they were). After 45 minutes or so of cardio, which I got frustrated with because the Gazelle isn’t level on the floor, I went to work out with the bands that I had just gotten. After 15 minutes, I was done with it because my whole body was burning. Thing is, I only supposedly was working on my upper body…today my abs hurt (yes I have abs, they are under the fluff…), my neck and shoulders, my calves and my inner thighs have that wonderful post workout ache. Now, while it might seem like I am complaining, I’m really not. I enjoy the ache because it makes me feel like I actually did something.

My goal is high for myself. My short term goal is 20lbs by May 7 (my birthday) and then down 50lbs (total) by September 1. After that I will have roughly 25 more to go and I’m done. Then I will work on maintaining my goal weight. I can do it, I know I can. I plan on starting to run come May. Right now I am working on doing so a bit on the treadmill with my cardio. I’m pathetic with it, but once I get it up; I should be able to run.

As for other things, life is going along much as it is, with me or without me. I’m trying to get into the swing of things. Look for a new job and make some new friends. It’s slow going but hey, I’m going to get there. I’ve had a lot of bad days lately but I see that they are going to get few and far between as time passes.