I did something I haven't done in a while last night, I read through my poetry journal. It was interesting, I realize how much pain I used to be in and sorting through it all. There were still ups and downs here and there, but it was amazing to go through and just look at things. I don't understand how dark of a place that I was in, I couldn't fathom going back to it at all. I know how I got so low, but how I could ever go so low again would be almost impossible.
On another note, I am absorbed with feelings and I just can't seem to write them all down. I don't even think that I comprehend it at all either, which, I am completely content with actually. I wish I had the words but then again, I don't want to waste them either. I hate wasting words and I have to be careful with them because I know they can cause pain and I don't wish to cause pain to anyone. I don't like to cause pain because, obviously I know how much it hurts. Well, duh, that was definitely a circular argument. Not that I have anything bad to say at all, quite the contrary but I just must remember to be careful.
On a completely separate note --- I was once told that I always viewed conflict as a bad thing and that I needed to work on it. So I did and now, instead of conflict being bad, conflict is a catalyst for new things. Good and bad things come out of conflict, isn't that a beautiful thing? Just reminds me of myself and someone else I know in a lot of ways. Quite an interesting paradox.
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