All things considered, I know that I haven’t written for two days on here. I honestly haven’t be able to, not because I have been busy but because I haven’t been able to form a coherent thought. For the past two days I have been debating inside myself about things, trying to figure out my feelings and trying to sort out fears and things that I was withholding.
One of my friends told me that falling in love was one of the greatest and scariest things that he has ever done. I didn’t quite understand that until this week when I realized that my heart was on the line. It takes me a while to process some things and I began to realize that I had taken everything that I had and laid it out flat, all that I am just there ready to be given. It surprised me and made me recoil a bit because I was afraid of being vulnerable. Being vulnerable is not something I am good at, I’ve always been very guarded, just a step behind the shadows, not showing too much. But to have put myself in a vulnerable position was almost unthinkable to me. I realized though, that I didn’t care.
It wasn’t about being vulnerable as much as it was about faith and trust. Love is a great gift and the gift of oneself. All imperfections, all flaws, all quirks, all beauties, all pains, all hopes, all fears; it is that which is love. There are ideals of what love is and those are fine but in reality, love is not something that fits into a small and simple ideal mold. It is bigger and better than that and I really am just starting to understand day by day.
I couldn’t find the words before to express what I felt because I was holding it back. I was holding myself back from even the remote possibility of hope or expectation. But love doesn’t have expectations, it is what it is; an ever flowing river that meets the tide of life on the beach, regardless of whether or not the tide is in or out. And that my friends, is a beautiful thing.
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