1. Decaffeinated coffee is not real coffee and shall never be served to unsuspecting parties disguised as real coffee. This is cruel and unusual punishment. Anyone caught doing so is subject to physical repercussions caused by lack of caffeine intake from the afflicted party. (Exceptions will be made at the afflicted’s discretion)
2. One kind of coffee is not suitable for all, therefore multiple selections must be provided. The average cup o’ Joe to barely keep America running is hereby banned.
3. The international conspiracy regarding coffee as been discovered and should hereby be dissolved. All the Communist Pots should be destroyed…
The French can no longer be fussy about their roast!
The Columbians must free the blend!
The Arabians must percolate correctly!
As for the British…we refuse your tea!
Thus we hereby refuse to settle for the average cup of Joe that is ‘brewed’ to keep us weak and unable to work. We demand the best! Hear our cry: Free Joe! Joe for Industry!
~ Viva La Coffee ~