Wednesday, May 5, 2010


Either you can focus on what you have or what you don’t have – it’s about the way that you look at things. I have to keep telling myself this as I struggle with the fact that my birthday is coming up. Struggle? Yeah, you read it right. I’m struggling with the fact that this will be the first birthday that I won’t have my father around to celebrate with, struggling with the fact that it is going to be hard not to have another birthday card or phone call. It’s hard. It hurts. I don’t think I can even express it adequately. But instead of focusing on the pain that I feel because of this, I’m trying to focus on what I do have. I have a loving and wonderful boyfriend, a few wonderful friends and other things to celebrate with. I’ve been a little irritable the past few days, just because there has been so much on my heart and I have anticipated this week with such uncertainty.

But back to perspective – before I digress further into misgivings. I am going to look at the rest of this week as positively as possible. Things could be a lot worse and I am very thankful for what I have. I think that it’s human nature within us that wants more. Don’t get me wrong, I have all that I need – but all that I want? No. What is it that leaves us wanting more when all of our needs are met? I think it’s lack of perspective. It’s not all about me. It’s not as bad as it seems. One of my favorite phrases (ask anyone) is ‘it could be worse’ and that’s very true most of the time. But when you’re going through hard times, that doesn’t make things any easier.

It’s been a crappy week with computer failure, sickness, stress, pain, aggravation, bad news and so many other things. I was being a bit of a princess about some things and I called myself out on it last night. I kept getting aggravated that it’s MY birthday week and EVERYTHING bad is happening. If birthdays are SO special, then why does this week suck? – In complete and total princess mode. I don’t get this way very often but I had to snap out of it. I know it’s due to the fact that I have been dealing with a lot and am stressed to boot about things. I don’t show it very well on the outside and I can act like everything is okay, even when I am a complete mess. I mastered that a long time ago – not that it’s healthy, it’s just the way it is. I hate it at times. There’s a lot going on with me right now, I’m just kind of a jumble and I need to work on my own perspective.

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